NASCAR is a real sport and that's all you need to know, now Enough of that. When a driver gets got a little bit sideways at 180 miles per hour and gathered it up in a split second, they have some stills. The people I don't understand are you proactive haters and bashers and trashers of auto racing, especially NASCAR as America's most visible form.
Why must you mouth off that NASCAR isn't a sport, that there's no skill involved, and that it's followed only by dumb people?
If you don't like it, why not just ignore it? Why such vitriol? Why are you so angry? Have you considered seeking counseling for this?
What has NASCAR ever done to you?
Have you ever been attacked by a NASCAR fan? Even bothered by a NASCAR fan?
Do they harass you on the streets, preaching to you? Do they ask you for spare change to support their cause? Do they knock on your door and push propaganda tracts on you? Do they want to enter your house and convert you?Has somebody driven a car into your living room and revved the engine? Do you have neighbors who keep your walls throbbing 'til the wee hours with NASCAR engine noise on their sound systems?
Does NASCAR place unstoppable pop-up ads on your favorite Web sites? Does Brian France pre-empt your favorite prime-time programming on all channels to deliver addresses on the state of NASCAR to the nation?
To borrow a little from a Lewis Black comedy bit, do hooded commandos invade your home in the evenings and place
Dale Earnhardt Jr. stand-up cutouts in your children's bedrooms, chanting "Jun-ior! Jun-ior!" as they go about their evil work?
Fact is, the only invasions of your life ever attempted by NASCAR could be easily repulsed with one touch of the channel changer or click of the mouse.
How many times do I have to say this? Webster -- not I, Webster -- defines "sport" as: "1. A source of diversion: pastime."
I still don't know how the American definition of sport narrowed to "games played with sticks and balls," but it has, and it is incorrect.
Whenever you say NASCAR -- or the World Series of Poker, for that matter -- isn't a sport, you are simply wrong, by the most definitive arbiter of the American language.
And when you stereotype NASCAR fans as "toothless" and "dumb" -- many of you still use language that strong -- you exhibit cultural bigotry, and I for one think you should be edited in the Conversation. I know many NASCAR fans who are engineers, lawyers, physicians, bankers, university professors …
It's not like your coverage of basketball, baseball or football has been displaced by NASCAR. You have a gazillion games and analysis shows, and huge portions of this Web site.
And what NASCAR fan has jumped into your conversations and trashed your sport?
Once, as purely a defensive tactic to get a Kentucky basketball fan out of my face, I made a rational counterattack.
"Cars going around in circles? I don't get it!" she said, unsolicited, after she asked if I followed sports. "It's absurd!"
"Well, when you think about it, what would extraterrestrials find more absurd than a bunch of guys in cute little shorts bouncing a ball and then throwing it at a basket?" I asked.
Some student of anthropology once told me there are prehistoric evolutionary connotations when a bunch of men hunker down and raise their rumps at the leader as a signal of obedience to him. You hear that explanation, and you'll never view an offensive line getting set in the same way again.
The point is, you can find something absurd about any "sport," depending on your perception.
From other sports fans, I've heard lines such as, "Even I can drive a car."
Yeah, well, I can throw a football. Just not like Brett Favre.
I can dribble a basketball. Just not like Kobe Bryant.
I can sing. Just not like Andrea Bocelli.
I, too, can drive a car, but I'm not ignorant enough to think I've got the lightning reflexes, the unsurpassed eye-hand coordination and the physical endurance (in 140-degree heat for four relentless hours) of a Jimmie Johnson.
I read where the NASCAR bashers think drivers cannot train and practice as children and youths, so there's no parallel with Little League, high school ball or college. That's absurd. Virtually all of today's top names started in youth racing programs no later than age 8.
Jeff Gordon started racing quarter-midgets at age 4.
All the elements you bashers claim are absent from NASCAR are there. It's just that you haven't bothered to investigate. That's your privilege.
Just don't air out your ignorance, intolerance and cultural bigotry in public. That's all we enthusiasts ask: Live, let live, and shut up.